you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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