watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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