I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
