I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
