Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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