She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
