she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
