So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
