im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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