If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
