your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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