I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
