I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My ATM looks so different sober.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I just sharted jello shots
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