I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
