I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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