My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
