theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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