i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
