Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
