i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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