My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
