he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
