you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
