Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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