THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
