the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize