Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
