That's intense
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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