i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
