he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
