i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
