I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
