Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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