The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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