Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
