just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
