it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We talked him into tasing himself.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
