Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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