I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
