you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
