So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize