Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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