Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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