remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The Olympian is in my bed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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