Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
