Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize