I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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