so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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