I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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