I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
