I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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