You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
did you just send me my own nude
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
