You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize