Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
