youre lurking in front of me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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