I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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