I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
