Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I need moral support for this bender
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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