Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
