dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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