He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
