Yo dont text me then not text me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize