True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
