He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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