I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
