Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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