genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize