can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
