Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize