I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's always time for handjobs
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
