i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
