you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
