Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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