My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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