it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize