I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
