I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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