He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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