Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize