I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
