The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
