after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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