Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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