I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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