i just had sex bonerless
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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