Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
