My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
