Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
