It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize