dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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