if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
