I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
