We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need water and some morals
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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