My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I faked an abortion last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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