If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
