Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
