you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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