so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
