you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
