He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
