I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize