Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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