I'd wear matching sweaters with you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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