After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
