i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize