apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
