If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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