Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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