I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize